Does anybody remember a time when a person could say something, and you could listen to the words and actually infer what the person intended to communicate? Now I may sound jaded in this, but it feels very much like the world has progressed to a point where the things we hear people say almost never mean what we think they mean. I further propose that we have gone so far in this direction that we have become unable to detect sincerity and take things at face value.
First, a disclaimer: I have a tendency to be very impatient about this subject. My family, my coworkers – everyone who speaks with me regularly will tell you about my very evident and obvious frustration around our ability to effectively communicate. I am, for the most part, a logical thinker, which in many ways causes my thinking to be very black and white with respect to most things. To me, things either are or are not – even if there are shades of gray involved. So when I ask a question, I do so because I am seeking the answer…to that question. I have the tendency to appear very accusatory when I question, so I can certainly understand the perception. What I consider to be “no nonsense” appears to others, at times, to be very threatening. This is something that I need to work on in my own life.
When I was a child and my parents would ask me a question – especially if that question pointed at something I had done or something I was currently doing, my first reaction was to not answer directly. “Have you loaded the dishwasher?” would meet the response “I was finishing homework and had to take care of this thing and that thing and I only now…blah blah.” I was asked a very simple, straightforward yes or no question, but in reply I was skipping over my mother’s critical thinking step to justify the answer that I knew was not what she wanted to hear – all of that instead of actually answering the question.
Why does this matter so much? I was making an assumption about the question asked, rather than thinking my mom was simply asking a question to determine the answer. Suppose a neighbor had asked to borrow a specific pot or pan, and my mother wanted to determine if it was yet clean from its last use – it is perfectly reasonable to ask if I had taken care of it. Yet, I assumed she was asking in order to accuse me of not doing my chores and cast me in a bad light, so I went into self-preservation mode.
Today, this seems to be the way of things. 40 years ago Walter Cronkite was famous for the truth of his tagline “And that’s the way it is.” As a nation we respected that – given the straight story with the opportunity to interpret the intentions and the subtleties that surrounded the facts – to form our own opinions. Over the course of time popular opinion shifted first to “And that’s the way I see it” and then eventually “And that is the right way for everyone to see it.” We no longer deal in facts – we deal in perception, and when those perceptions do not match, one person is labeled tolerant and the other is not – while at the same time we say that tolerance allows for all views. Unfortunately the definitions of tolerance, morality, truth, and even reality – in today’s world those things are no longer black and white either.
As a church we are coming to the end of a study in the book of James. If there was ever a person who tells it like it is, it’s James. James has a lot to say about how we speak and the power that comes with the words we say, and in James 5 he says the famous line “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” We take this to heart under the understanding that we are to say what we mean and mean what we say.
While scripture is open to interpretation to a degree, there comes a point where people of faith have to agree that the Word says what it says and we cannot interpret our way around it. The post-modern idea of “my truth” instead of God’s perfect truth – this has no place in the Word of God or in how we apply it to our lives. I have the responsibility in the pulpit to speak the truth of God’s Word without compromise – and I must do so in a way where you can have the confidence that in fact “That’s the way it is.”
In today’s society, to make a straightforward statement about the truth of any matter invites criticism and attack. And the truth of that stems from the fact that we have been conditioned to look for the insult, look for the injustice against our personal selves or against a people group with whom we relate in every word we hear. The whole basis of woke reasoning is to never offend anyone, ever, for any reason. Yet rather than seek the truth of what is said and done in the world, we instead find insult and injustice in everything. Unfortunately, the fix for that is not to make everything bad or wrong – it is to go back and try and recognize what is and what is not – to make our yes be yes and our no be no.
On two occasions this week in my professional life I have been confronted over the words I have said that were interpreted at something less than face value. In both cases, it is incumbent upon me to listen to criticism and look for the truth to see the areas where I need to grow. The character of the believer is shown in how we immediately respond to such situations, which can be difficult when we cannot always trust the words we hear to convey the intention of the speaker. In one case, while part of what he said made sense and required that I do some review of my own actions and words, it was not spoken with the intention to help me grow or even correct an action, but rather to show off how smart and educated and knowledgeable and righteous the speaker is so that in my reflection I (and the others present) will be duly impressed. Unfortunately the reality is that we have to become adept at reading between the lines for exactly this reason – I could have engaged in debate, but the debate would not have been about my words, but instead about why his words should be given authority.
I know that for many, self-preservation is instinctual to this degree because of things in our history. For those who were raised in environments of abuse or situations where they were not welcome to speak their own mind or even have an opinion – it is perfectly natural for us to try and justify ourselves rather than offer simple abject honesty. It is difficult – and terrifying – because it lays bare our position, and therefore ourselves. Following James’ instruction requires vulnerability coupled with a confidence that we can only build over time.
As believers we have the responsibility as outlined in the Bible (in James as well as elsewhere) to speak the truth, and to do so in love. The other side of that is in how we listen to each other – taking each other at face value and communicating in a fashion that is genuine and true. And again, this is important because the words that we have to share with the world – they mean the difference between life and death, Heaven and Hell. If we are not straightforward with each other – if our yes and no are not simply yes and no – then how can the world believe us when we share the simple truth of God’s love and grace? We are subject to the absolute truth that the world has forgotten – let’s stand by it in the way we speak, and let’s do it with love.
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